| Dear Morris |
I don’t know who you are but apparently you play for Fulham and have been on telly a few times. I collect autographs from anyone who can claim some degree of fame so I can try and flog them on e-Bay to anyone silly enough to pay money for them. So if you could scribble a few down and send them over I might be able to make a few quid and by myself a new shell suit. Oh, and I’m also after a new PlayStation if you could send one of them too.
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Cheers,
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| Herr Volz |
I am from Germany. I like the game of football. I think you play with great efficiency. I would like you to send me your autograph. It should be signed on to 119 gsm matt A4 paper using only a felt-tipped pen. The signature should occupy a space no greater than 4cm x 8cm. Please write only your name. No message or humorous salutation is required. I look forward to receiving this by return of post.
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Thank you in advance.
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| Dear Moritz |
I think you’re the greatest footballer to ever walk the face of planet earth. Franz Beckenbauer? Pele? George Best? Not even close. Your touch is immaculate, your passing is breathtaking and your work for charity is so inspiring. I actually wish I could be you and will name my first born Moritz in your honour, even if it’s a girl. Would it be possible for you to send me a signed life sized cardboard cut-out to put in my living room? If you can’t do this because you’re busy training or out doing incredibly worthy charity work I totally understand. I will still continue to worship you for every day that I am alive.
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Yours in unconditional adoration,
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