Volzy

Here’s a bit about me - I love Little Britain and Only Fools & Horses. Del Boy is a legend. I spend as much time as I can riding around the streets of Fulham on my folding bike. The folding bike should be an Olympic competition by the way – I’m going to win gold in 2012. I managed to get my maths A-Level at the third time of asking last summer. It only took seven years.

I’ve also just finished an A-Level in Biology too. I’m Fulham’s PFA Representative, a Prince’s Trust Ambassador, and I support Kick For Life too.

I also like to think I’m a bit handy in the kitchen (I’m not sure if anyone else would agree mind you…) and like to bake a cake to focus my mind before games. I was born in a place called Siegen in Germany on January 21st 1983. I grew up in a small town called Buerbach – well, it’s a village really surrounded by lots of forests. And, yes, I did used to wear lederhosen when I was a kid. In fact the one pair I had got ruined when a Kinder Egg melted in the pocket.

All this nonsense about footballers kicking balls before they could walk certainly didn’t apply to me. I was rubbish at football to begin with. I started playing for a local team when I was about six – we used to beat teams about 20-0 all the time, but the coach still wouldn’t even give me five minutes at the end of the game. We used to play on these sand pitches so I use to spend more of my time building sandcastles than worrying about scoring goals or anything. In fact, the first goal I scored was with my belly – and that was only because I couldn’t get out of the way quick enough.

I played for Buerbach for about seven years and then moved to a team in the bigger town near by. From there I was playing for the borough, then the county, and then I got the chance to play for a few Bundesliga teams when I was about 15 so I chose Schalke 04.

After a year at Schalke, Arsenal spotted me playing for the German youth team and offered me a contract so I came over to England and that’s where I’ve been ever since. I never really got into the First Team there, but I still really like the club. I went on loan to Wimbledon (I hate it when people write that I played for MK Dons by the way…) in the second half of the 2002/03 season, and then joined Fulham just after that. And I’m now the club’s longest serving player.

I’ve also played for the German national team right through to the Under 21s, my last game coming in the European U21 Championships in Portugal last summer. I’ve been in one Germany senior squad too but didn’t get off the bench. There’s still time though, and it’s a big ambition of mine.

I still don’t score many goals - at the start of 2006/07 my goal scoring record for Fulham was minus one. But I had a bit of a purple patch season - well, three goals, which is a purple patch by my standards. One of those three – which came at Stamford Bridge last December - was the 15,000th Premiership goal scored. I obviously knew that, which was why I decided to pop up at that point in the game. And for my efforts I got the world’s smallest trophy and was given £15,000 to donate to charity – all good.

I also write a regular column in the Times and am a frequent guest on Eamon Holmes’ show on BBC Radio Five Live, and if you haven’t had enough of me already, then check out my diary on this website which I try to update at least once a week…